Whose thoughts are these

Have you ever been plagued by anxiety about something that is completely irrational? Yup... that is total where I am at today. There is this woman I know who is really rather pathetic.... she suffers from a long term illness and has used that as an excuse to go through life exuding this miserable energy and consistently has a sour puss look on... well, lady, everybody has crap in their space, it is really just a matter of how you deal with it. This woman makes her work place uncomfortable, is generally unpleasant to be around and all-in-all unlikable. Well, the other day, she started in on me about boundaries... granted boundaries are not my strong suit, I really hadn't done anything egregiousness to her! In fact I had done nothing at all to her! So why am I feeling anxiety and remorse over this altercation - which was in fact very one sided and my limited response to her was - "OK...?"

I guess I don't want to disappoint anyone and I would prefer that people like me, but are those really my thoughts and values... no, they are my grandmother's. She is a beautiful person who has set an unattainable grandma standard for my mother to attempt to live up to, but all things equal, she is a chronic people pleaser who tried to mold me into the good girl who was seen and not heard and reinforced that kindness and patience are virtues. Yup... got those lessons what's next?

In reality, I am strong woman who knows what I want and how to attain my goals. I am undeterred and uninterested in other people's drama and approval. I embody that there is no middle ground. You either love me or hate me. If you ask 10 people their opinion on me... the one who says "ehhh... she's fine" has not spent any time with me other than a cordial hello at the deli.

So this witchy poo, who gave me grief over an office copy, clearly subscribes to my love me or hate me motto! But why do I continue to be bothered by this? Because those ingrained values that are not my own are tough to shake, like the bad news boyfriend that is ohhh SOOOO hotttt! You tell yourself to ignore those thoughts and they just scream louder in your head!

Now it is time to employ the tricks of the trade that I chide my clients for forgetting after they have worked with me for years... the basics... a few minutes of meditation works miracles - literally!

With that I close for the night to meditate before I seek slumber, to WP, I wish no ill, she brings all of that on herself; to Grandma, I wish the revelation that all those silly standards shouldn't shape our lives... be and do who you are, not who someone else thinks you should be... and finally release it all!

Love and Light!